I Get By With A Little Help From My Shane
by BlackDandelion
Summary: Shane is back and he wants to have a conversation with Mercedes. Oneshot.


**AN: **This is such a crack-fic. I can't even deal right now. Glee just majorly blows. (Double entendre absolutely, positively intended.)

**I get by with a little help from my Shane **by Blackdandelion

_Or: He's back, he's black - get over it. _

"...what do you mean _he's back_?" Mercedes asked with a raised eyebrow.

Santana gestured towards the large black man standing at the end of the hallway. "See, he's right there. _He's back._"

"Of course he's right there!" Mercedes exclaimed, throwing her hands up in agitation, "He's been attending McKinley High for the last _four _years!"

"Yees," Santana snarked, "but none of the previous three were spent blocking a majority of my peripheral vision."

There was silence as Mercedes patiently waited for Santana's insult.

"...and with that I mean that he's bigger than my car."

Mercedes rolled her eyes. "I figured," she said linking her arm with Santana's and dragging the girl towards the choir room.

(...)

"Hello, Mercedes." Shane leaned against her locker, fingers stroking his moustache. God how she hated that moustache.

"Shane, how have you been?"

To be quite honest, Santana did have a point. She hadn't seen the boy since their catastrophic break-up.

"Oh, you know: heart-broken. But I pulled through."

"I'm sure you did," smiled Mercedes, subtly angling her elbow into his stomach to get into her locker.

"But when I came back to school-" Hah! Mercedes knew he hadn't been attending classes. Damnit, that meant that she had validate a Santana Lopez-theory. "-I heard that you and White Boy still aren't getting it on."

"White Boy has a name," Mercedes muttered, pulling out her math books. Shane rolled his eyes, but she persisted, "What? It's not like he goes around calling you Black Boy."

"No, he just macks on my girlfriend."

"Touché," grunted Mercedes, slamming the locker shut.

"Indeed," he stroked the moustache again. "But I am not here to diss him. I am here, as a friend, to tell you to get up on that."

Mercedes blinked. Hard. Then coughed for a moment. "I'm sorry. _What_?"

Shane rolled his eyes. "Girl, we broke up. Yes, you cheated and probably broke like five moral codes but it's over. I am OK. I may never trust another woman again, but hey, at least you didn't sleep with my best friend, get pregnant, lie to me about whose baby it was and force me to get a job in support of your illegitimate child."

Mercedes narrowed her eyes. "Where are you getting this scenario from?"

Shane shrugged. "Oh, you know. I read."

Mercedes shot him a suspicious look but started moving towards math class.

"My point is that you may have done some bad things, but you _deserve _to be happy. And most importantly, _Sam _deserves to be happy."

"-wait, what?" The amount of reverence in Shane's voice when he said _Sam _made Mercedes stop and stare, almost knocking over Jacob Ben Israel as he came bouncing around the corner, a pair of panties clutched in his shaking hands. "You and _Sam_?"

"I wish," Shane snorted, then looked like he wished he hadn't. "But he is a nice guy. Except for the whole tongue-in-my-current-partner's-mouth deal."

Mercedes squinted, tilting her neck to inspect Shane's face. "How do you even-"

"We met at Comic Con last year, he was Thor, I was the Hulk."

"Of course you were."

"We hit it off, I didn't know we'd be battling over the same Storm later."

"I had no idea you were interested in comics."

It was Shane's turn to roll his eyes. "Well, to be honest - the insight into my personality has been limited to Cocoa Babies, football and apparition."

With a grave nod, Mercedes continued, "But I've never seen you speak to each other. I mean, I get that you didn't when we were dating - 'cause _awkward_, but last year?"

"Mercedes, did you see me _at all_ last year?"

She tried to remember, but she really couldn't. Shane was right, as seemed and it was becoming a pattern during their conversation.

"Oh, I have to go - my tap dancing competition starts in 10." Shane started ambling down the corridor and Mercedes stood with her mouth open wondering how in the world she could have missed _that._

"But wait-"

"Think about what I said," Shane shouted as he turned the corner, "you guys are meant for each other! Caramel babies for the win!"

FIN.


End file.
